Tabel 197: Wetten enzo deel 4
Stelling van de Sportvisser: 4,8 is niet zo best
De uitleg: Cold is God's way of telling is to burn more catholics
Stelling der Wetenschap: Nothing shocks me; I'm a scientist
De Conclusie: Hoort niet + vreemd = dus fout!
Manieren om een bedrijf te gronde te richten:
- Door gokken, dat is het zekerst
- Door vrouwen, dat is het mooist
- Door computers, dat gaat het snelst
Stelling van 2000: Het jaar 2000 zou moeten beginnen op 10 september
1999; dus na 9-9-99
b. Cartoon Laws
- ANY BODY SUSPENDED IN SPACE WILL REMAIN IN SPACE
UNTIL MADE AWARE OF ITS SITUATION.
Daffy Duck steps over a cliff, expecting further pastureland.
He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances
to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet
per second takes over.
- ANY BODY IN MOTION WILL TEND TO REMAIN IN MOTION UNTIL
SOLID MATTER INTERVENES SUDDENLY.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot persuit on foot, cartoon
characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone
pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion
absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination
of motion the stooge's surcease.
- ANY BODY PASSING THROUGH SOLID MATTER WILL LEAVE A
PERFORATION CONFORMING TO ITS PERIMETER.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon
is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions
and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they
exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect
hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this
- THE TIME REQUIRED FOR AN OBJECT TO FALL TWENTY STORIES
IS GREATER THAN OR EQUAL TO THE TIME IT TAKES FOR WHOEVER
KNOCKED IT OVER THE LEDGE TO SPIRAL DOWN TWENTY FLIGHTS TO
CAPTURE IT UNBROKEN.
Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture
it inevitably unsuccessful.
- ALL PRINCIPLES OF GRAVITY ARE NEGATED BY FEAR.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an
adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually
to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a
flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels
of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially
when in flight.
- AS SPEED INCREASES, OBJECTS CAN BE IN SEVERAL PLACES AT ONCE.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of
altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common
as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.
A 'wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at
maniac high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the
- CERTAIN BODIES CAN PASS THROUGH SOLID WALLS PAINTED TO
RESEMBLE TUNNEL ENTRANCES; OTHERS CANNOT.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations,
but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance
on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable
to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter
is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow
into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art,
not of science.
- ANY VIOLENT REARRANGEMENT OF FELINE MATTER IS
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional
nine lives comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced,
splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but
they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking
self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or
COROLLARY: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
- FOR EVERY VENGEANCE THERE IS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also
applies to the physical world at large. For that reason,
we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
c. PI, deel II
Prijzen Zildjian bekkens als functie van de straal in inch
|Avedis:||p = 87.413 e0.07912 r|
|Z:||p = 86.385 e0.08392 r|
|K:||p = 144.1015 e0.064684 r|